What I Want vs. What They Need

Hello again friends and family!

So the teaching continues here in Philadelphia, and it is not getting any easier. As the school year continues, the students are resorting back to their old habits and it has been a struggle to manage classrooms and hallways. Last week, we had a financial advisor in the building that we meet with about our retirement plans. He told me Clymer Elementary was considered among colleagues the worst part of Philadelphia: "It was like walking into a mental institution!" So when I consider what we started with, I am pleased with the progress; however, there is still so much work to be done. Oh P.S., I broke up my first fight, which I heard makes it official that I am an inner city teacher. Yay for me...I think?

Although I have received a lot of positive feedback from administration, I still feel that I am at war with myself and my students. Please don't misunderstand this statement. I have built a great rapport with my students and I genuinely love them, but what they need is extremely different than what I want to give. Because of the demographics, I feel the need to be that "iron fist" teacher who commands the room in almost a fearful way. However, I only want to be an encouragement to my students and love them as innocently as Christ loves us. Over the past few weeks, I have felt a change in my demeanor with children and my tone in the classroom. From the schools perspective, I am really "flourishing" and making "great improvement," but is this what I want? I can tell you the answer is no, so I am at a loss. If I refuse to teach as the dictator, but it is what my students need to succeed, than neither my students nor I win. I like to think there is another way - a way to teach and manage by example and love. Isn't this the way Jesus taught his disciples? If Jesus came to this earth as a King or dictator, his message wouldn't have been well received. He instead came to earth as a gentle man who lead a life that was worthy to be followed. I wonder sometimes if I am a teacher worthy to be followed.

Below is a video from my third graders' first day singing in rounds. Next week we will use our solfege in rounds while playing ostinatos. We are making progress!!